Use Your Words, Part 1

How Insidious Phony Communication Trips Us Up!

If we want so do something differently, we need to look at where we are.  In this chapter, we discover what modes of communication we have been using that get unsatisfactory results.

Stripping down our communication, we begin to see how many opportunities there are for making ourselves clearer with compassion.

Fake communication tools that are not effective but are used from a place of ignorance or cowardice.

When we gain awareness, then we can traverse into new and exciting ways of being and communicating.  As you become aware of the things that no longer serve you, observe this in a loving way.  One response it to tell yourself, “That is interesting!”  This way, you acknowledge the truth without condemning yourself.  As you gain acceptance for yourself, that acceptance grows to others as well, and you can begin to forgive your culture and ancestors, knowing that they taught you what the tools that they had available.

In this and following weeks, we will discuss several harmful or useless modes of communication.

Innuendo and implication are methods that are likened to pliers and crowbars.  They are used to indirectly convey or extract a meaning rather than explicitly getting to the point.  They are used to make ourselves small and manipulative.  Direct speech is best, and we will discuss how to use direct speech compassionately in the chapter about communication. These methods come from low self-esteem and are often dressed up as not wanting to make problems.

Withholding information is selfish; it keeps us from true intimacy and the depth of emotions that we are here to experience.

One morning, I asked Vj if he needed to go to the library.  He did not.  Next I asked if he needed to go to the store next to the library.  Again, he did not.  Then I asked if he needed anything in the vicinity of the library, he did not.  Finally, he asked what my real question was.  I had something that I needed picked up at the library and did not have time.  I wanted to ask him to pick it up for me and fell back into indirect speech that made myself small.

Once, when I was in small-mode, as friend said to me, “If you don’t tell me, I won’t know.”

No one wants to have things extracted from them!  It feels terrible to beat around the bush or have someone use leverage to pull out a discussion.  I used to be terrible at this.  At times, I can still slide into this annoying mode.  It alienates others and makes them want to run away!

Your Assignment: Watch in the next week where you may slip into Innuendo and Implication. Be gentle with yourself as you become aware and rest in the knowledge that a problem identified is 90% solved.  More to come…

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