Unified Couple’s Values Part 2

In the last article, we began to look at Unified Couple’s Values.  These are the things that BOTH partners hold very dear in the relationship.

We reviewed the questions below:

What matters most to each of us individually?
What matters most to us collectively as a unit?
Where do we need to communicate our needs in order to have harmony or overlap?

At our recent retreat, one of our couples who have been married 30 years were really happy to find that they were super aligned on most of their couple’s values.  And by doing the practice of finding their Unified Couple’s Values, they got to see where some personal values were not important to their mate.  When we get this information, we can release our expectations so and let our mate off of the hook and we can insure that we tend to that need or value ourselves.

When we see the overlap, or the lack thereof, we are better equipped to know when our mate will be on board or not.  By knowing these simple things, it is easier to avoid getting bogged down in expectation and disappointment. We will also have more room for acceptance, patience and tolerance.

We get to better see our partner’s motivation so we are better equipped to support her and let her know when something is important to us.

The good news is: It is not necessary that all of your individual values be the same as the values that you share as a couple. Things that are important to you as an individual are your personal values but things that are important to both you and your partner are your Couple’s Unified Relationship Values.  There is no set number of how many values that you must share. You as a couple get to determine that.

In most individuals, values are often presumed and are part of the unconscious self.   Therefore, this lack of awareness leads to assuming what the other person feels or thinks, which is a dangerous game and can be fatal to harmony or even the relationship.

By defining the important aspects and the values of your relationship, you set a tone of understanding and a foundation of true partnership.  This sets everyone up to win.
With this step, you can see where you stand individually, you can clearly what is important as a couple, and you can use this list to connect in a heartbeat.

Imagine how easy it can be to just close the door on work and life and get in sync with your beloved so seamlessly.

Your Assignment: The next time you feel tension or friction in your relationship, check your list of values and let it get you back on course.  This is a sure fire way to course-correct. I recommend putting the list on your fridge or somewhere that you have easy access to it.  Vj and I each have it in our phones and we recite it to each other each date night. Additionally, if you find yourself remembering after the fact, know that you are becoming more and more aware and be gentle with yourself and on each other.

Please join me for my free Webinar for Loving Couples REVEALED: The SECRETS to the Most Connected and Powerful Relationship on Wednesday March 10, 2010 6pm PST.


One Response to “Unified Couple’s Values Part 2”
  1. Over time, I am discovering more and more how crucial it is to know your core values – whether it is in marriage, or joining a company, or joining a church.

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