The Solutions isn’t Always Obvious

We all agree that we live in a stressful society.  And it seems to be speeding up and the to-do lists get longer.

That is the cultural agreement, yes.

The general approach is to fix the problems of time, money, and conflict head-on, with the rational mind, and by grasping at the tools that seem best fit to fix them.

The problem is that THE SOLUTION is not obliviously tied to the problem.

What does that mean?

We try to hammer out our problems by attacking them on the chin, which doesn’t work. When we settle into who we are, get real about it, and then make choices with consciousness, the world is our oyster.  That is when real change comes through.

I cannot tell you how perplexed I was when I learned, “The solution has nothing to do with the problem.”

What?  You mean a scheduling app isn’t going to solve my time scarcity?  Talking about my problems isn’t going to solve them?  Not in the long term, no.

These approaches are much like our medical system: symptom care rather than cure.

So how does this apply to relationships?

We spend so much time worrying and fussing: “If only so and so would act differently, if only this would happen then all would be fine.”

That state of being is treating relationships like a convenience store.  “I want this, this, and this, but none of that.”

When we reject some aspects of ourselves or others, we continue to suffer.

Selective acceptance is living in delusion and denial.

The beauty of relationships is their entirety.  How we embrace the dark and the light in order to be whole allows us to heal old hurts and love deeply.

When we do convenience store-style relating, we remain lonely!  We are isolated on an island of our own making and cannot allow for the depth of intimacy that is only available when we have the courage to commit and transcend.

If only we could make ourselves vulnerable yet strong enough to handle it.

The key to all relationship problems is based in self-love and acceptance.  Which, intellectually, we already know.  Now we want to invite the EXPERIENCE of it.  Too much credit is given to having the intellectual understanding of self-love.  However, if we aren’t living it, that is where the problem lies.

Your Assignment: What act can you do today to express love to yourself?  Could you do something as simple as tell yourself, “I love you!” in the mirror?  If that feels uncomfortable, it is a good place to start! Move in the direction of being completely at ease expressing love to yourself.

 

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