The Reasons That Relationships Fail

One of the things that I get asked anytime I do an interview is:

Why do so many relationships fail?

The reasons are many but often boil down to a few root causes.

1. We are not trained to know what we need and want in a relationship. This is awareness has been squashed, because the emphasis has been on getting a mate rather than being ourselves and allowing the mate to arrive.

This has everything to do with the relationship to ourselves.  We must reach a level of self-acceptance and self-love that will allow us to receive real love from another.

2. We are taught that chemistry is our marker for a good relationship.  This is setting ourselves up to fail.  Strong chemistry between two people simply means that they “would make really great babies” as Alison Armstrong says.  It is a biological response to compatible genes.  When the genes are driving the bus, the animal-self within us tramples our highest-selves.  Our integrity and identity are at risk of being tossed out the window in order to satisfy this “urge to merge” as Yogi Bhajan called it.

We confuse the longing for a divine connection through expression with the sex act.  To be sure, sex is a way to express our divinity, however, most of us are caught in the lower level expressions of sex without knowing how to elevate it.

3. We go into a relationship expecting to get rather than give. In a relationship, we must serve the higher purpose of the third entity of the Union.  What we don’t realize is that we are set up to lose.  We have a discerning mind, which in modern times is over developed.  It keeps us safe and indicates to us that a light is red rather than green so we know to stop.  The problem is, this constant comparing machine is in overdrive and determines things that are different as “bad.”  Then we start taking little things, like socks on the floor, personally.

There are other reasons, of course, that relationships don’t last.  The above three are very common and often hard to see.  Our minds can give us very convincing and often subtle arguments to keep us stuck in the cycle of unhappiness and disillusionment.

There is hope and there are other ways.  The more you become the vision of hope, the more you will attract it and gather support for yourself.

Your Assignment:

Simply go out and do some good without recognition today.  Offer a smile to a stranger or open the door for someone else.  These subtle acts have hugely profound results.  You will start to expand your awareness to others and allow you to relax into your highest self more and more.  We all need the reminders.  Remember that mind of discernment is a scaredy-cat and will pull out the stops to maintain the status quo.  Allow your highest self to gently break free from those fears and facilitate your own and other’s healing.


One Response to “The Reasons That Relationships Fail”
  1. Milt Simon says:

    hi sarah, my 2 cents
    nice package, three major componants.
    a deeper cause, i am suggesting is
    sometimes we are connected to pleasing, not dissappointing or just shaping our act to avoid abandonment

    too much to say, except that if we were really connected to our own feelings, desires, and fears, we could know ourselves better, and learn to take care of ourselves so much better.

    when i take care of (rather feel resonsible for) your feelings (Especially when i am not in touch with my own) i become a resentful servant or slave to you. not conscious of how to remedy my plight. as Melody Beattie said it (paraphrasing) i cannot protect my own boundaries and simultaniously care for your feelings. (that is to say, when my boundaries are unclear, incomplete or unknown to me, i (to save my life) depend on you. to hold, know and assert my boundaries when they are uncertain, i cannot at the same time take responsibility for your feelings. (maybe this needs some clarifying, or not?)

    just a thought.

    gratitude to you for your work, care and contribution to love and marriage

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