The Power of Atonement

When we upset the harmony between our integrity and our actions, it skews our energy and can have long-lasting detrimental results.

The impact comes from our own judgment and making ourselves wrong for not doing things “right” or how we would have hoped to behave.

We can be our own worst enemies.

When we do things from a place of ignorance or innocence, we may rationally know that we did the best that we could with the resources available.  However, we often create a glitch in the system from breaking our own hearts.  The disturbance in the force has very little to do with the rational part of life, but has a huge impact, nevertheless.

Many years ago, when I was a senior in high school, a friend of mine was diagnosed with leukemia.  She died a few months later.  During that time, my coping mechanisms were strictly based in survival mode, which meant that I had no bandwidth for the grief, confusion, anger, and other uncomfortable emotions that we yearning to be expressed.

As a result, I also lacked the bandwidth to experience presence and witnessing in a way that would have allowed me to show up as the friend I wished to be.

knew I did the best that I could with the tools that I had.  However, I had broken my own heart since I couldn’t bear to go deep with my friend.

Now, more than twenty years later, I found a way to heal the old hurts and honor my dear friend.  I am training for a marathon, something she will never be able to do, that I will run in her honor.  The physical exertion is truly tiny compared to the pain that she went through during her final months.

I am also raising funds for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in her name, which adds to the sense of purpose and paying it forward for her through me.

The entire process is extreme and also healing in ways I could not have imagined.  I feel her presence with me as I run and choke up when I imagine myself crossing the finish line with her name on my heart.*

There are many ways to even out the balance of the past.  Tiny or huge, there is always a way.  If you hurt yourself when you were young, you can donate a book for teens on self-esteem to a Girls and Boys Club.

If you took your opportunity at college for granted, you may offer a small donation of time or energy.

The ways in which we can atone are innumerable, and the results are profoundly healing.

Practical Application: Is there a relationship from your past that you feel is incomplete or wish it had been resolved in a different manner?  Is there something symbolic or practical like the above examples that you can do to reinstate harmony?  Is your mind telling you there is no problem but you find yourself unable to go forward in current relationships?  Try the experiment of energetic restoration and watch for the payoff.  Let us know how it goes!

* You may check my progress at my racing blog =>here

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