The Need for Drama

When we think rationally, we would never say out loud that we “need” drama.  In fact, most people would state that they avoid it like the plague.  And yet, we shake our fists at a drive that cuts us off.  Or we roll our eyes at a friend.  Or we pick a fight with our beloved.

We don’t need drama.  We need connection.  We long for the feeling of belonging and loving.  Often, when we don’t meet that need, we make mischief in order to achieve something! If we attempt to connect with our beloved and they are unavailable, it is all too easy to resort to a childish antic to get attention at whatever cost.

As a rehabilitating Drama Mama, the drama gets more and more subtle.  As we shine the light of awareness, it can go underground so that  it is harder to detect.

I still must be diligent about “poking the bear” as I put it.  If I am in an emotionally immature state and don’t have the awareness to see that I am not getting my way, I may make some mischief to get a reaction, just to be sure that I still matter. I do not endorse this method!

Drama is addictive and flammable.  When someone speaks of bad news and the listener gasps in horror that is putting gasoline on the drama-fire. Drama loves to be fed with re-enactments, exaggeration, and company.

This lousy and saccharine substitute for actual connection is dangerous to our well-being and the wellbeing of others.

Here are some signals of drama:

1.     Worry or fantasy about things that are unknown/unseen and can’t be acted upon.

2.     Taking on someone’s side to the point where you are having the same or larger emotional response as the person who is actually involved.

3.     “Poking the bear” or making mischief in a relationship when things were going well.

4.     Blaming someone else for our unhappiness.

Drama gets us off the hook for personal responsibility.  If someone else is at fault or there is yet another “emergency,” then always we have an opportunity to shirk any responsibility for our own happiness.

Why would we do that? Because it takes a darn lot of courage to be happy and create a life that continues to grow and expand in that direction.

Your Assignment:

Can you see where drama has been holding you back?  Are there areas where you could substitute vulnerability instead and get a more meaningful result?  When you engage in drama, can you see it a little sooner and clean up any mess that may have been caused?  Can you see where emotional immaturity is simply another form of fear of intimacy?


One Response to “The Need for Drama”
  1. What a great blog. I have really enjoyed reading from someone else in this area of coaching and hope you don’t mind me joining your conversation.

    Vulnerability is really the key, and something that most of us need to allow into our lives in order to achieve real connection. We can gain so much by being able to say “I feel….”, “I need…”, “I want….” but we lose our ability to do so with fear of being imperfect, broken, reliant and exposed.

    After too many years of living with as much drama as I could ever expect in my life I consciously choose to remove and avoid all drama in my environment. This meant changing how I thought, communicated, responded, engaged and loved and I can happily say that life is wonderfully undramatic for me now.

    I wouldn’t have it any other way and relish the constant and consistent hum of my life.

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