The Dignity of One’s Own Experience

When we relinquish control, we give others the dignity of their own experience.  That means that we can see the divine order in what and who they are in this time and space.  

We can apply this idea to so many situations.  If we are single and have been heartbroken, we can release the other person toward whatever path they are meant to go. 

If we are in a relationship, we can stop being the boss of our partner!  What this can look like is this: 

We get a strong urge to fix or control our partner because they are “messing up.”  One time, a friend of mine told me it was excruciating to watch her husband chopping peppers because of the way that he cut them.  She had a good chuckle at herself, because it really didn’t matter; yet her ego was screaming to correct him. 

Often we interfere when we ought to be minding our own business! 

When I was accepted as one of twelve incoming students to my graduate program, I was very excited but needed some money to make it happen.  I pursued one of only two fellowships and was awarded it.  This award made it possible for me to pull up stakes in California and move to Chicago for school. As I later saw, I was neither the most ambitious nor the most talented student in my cohort. 

Had I not received the fellowship, I likely would never have moved to Chicago and gone to that particular graduate school.  It was in Chicago that I found meditation, which changed my life from one run by fear and selfishness to a life of serving others and pursuing truth.  I started my search for happiness in love there and it was also in Chicago where I met my husband!  

So while there were others in my cohort that seemed more deserving, the bigger picture was, I was meant to be in Chicago.  It was there that my life changed in order for me to help people like you change their lives!  Isn’t that amazing?! 

Remembering this story, I can have compassion for people who are performing less than I think that they “should” because I rest in the knowledge that there is a bigger order at play and I do not know it.  This does not mean that I have to get entangled with them or the games or drama that might be involved with them.  It means I can have compassion for them from a distance!  

Your Assignment:

Look for opportunities to allow others the dignity of their own experience.  Where is your need for control thwarting the higher order?  Where can you allow for something that you would do differently but may very well be in divine order? 


One Response to “The Dignity of One’s Own Experience”
  1. Kay Lorraine says:

    What an interesting point of view. The story of the woman watching her husband chop peppers hits me right where I live. My husband and I have been together for many, many happy years. And yet, when we fight (which is seldom) it is almost always an underlying theme of “who is in control.”

    Great homework assignment!

    Kay Lorraine
    Nonprofit Executive
    Honolulu, Hawaii

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