The Difference between Passive and Gentle

relationship coachingWe have mixed up two very different ways of being: Passivity and Gentleness. I believe that so many of our struggles in our inner world are because our highest good knows what we are destined to be. However, our little minds have sabotaged us so we no longer know how. What this can look like is: forced kindness or “compassion” because we know we ought to be these things. This mentality is fixed in the dichotomy of right v. wrong and is another source of suffering. It causes us to exert our sheer force of will to be a certain way, which employs the ego mind again.

What we want to do is identify where we have been passive. In this context, I mean acting like a doormat: one who folds to the whims of outside influences rather than standing in one’s integrity. Another way to look at it is: to allow for things that do not align with one’s nature to occur around and in one’s domain. This creates the energy of constriction and unhappiness.

I remember some years back when I had made an about-face with my life. I was new to town, and had risen out of a spiritually dark place to a new experience in life. I was feeling in some ways like a neophyte, however, there were some decisions that I had made within myself that started to manifest in the outer world. As I was constructing a new life, I was also building new friendships. During this time, I went to a new acquaintance’s home wishing to be friends with the two women there.

When I arrived, one woman said to the other, “Oh, Sarah’s here. We have to stop gossiping.” I had never said anything to them about gossip. In their limited interactions with me, they had felt the energetic decision that I had made to neither participate in nor accept gossip in my life. I was dumbfounded first that my energy had made such an impact. Second, I was so grateful that I gently responded, “Thank you for your respect.” I could have easily reverted back into the former passive mode and relinquish my integrity in a futile attempt to make them feel more comfortable. Instead, this was a non-event for them, a light hearted moment. There was no need for me to bend my integrity to “Make them feel better.”

Simply by being a certain way, I had gently informed them of who I was and some of my needs. The women in this example displayed a level of awareness to my energy which can be overlooked. However, I find that when people are unable to read who I am energetically, I can use my words in a gentle manner to express myself. One such example is that when others around me gossip, I can gently say, “I am sorry that you feel that way, I do not feel that way.” This very statement has allowed me to act in my integrity without self-righteously pointing the finger at the speaker’s foible.

Your Assignment:

Take a look to see where you need to say something but haven’t out of fear of someone’s response. See how you can communicate directly with gentleness instead of passively rolling over your integrity. As always, let us know how it goes!

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