Take Time to Allow What is Meant to Unfold


This is another way of allowing someone else the dignity of their own experience.  Sometimes we watch someone flail and want to go in a fix them.  It is not always for the highest good.  We may be interrupting a very important lesson.

It is hard not to meddle in other people’s business.  The closer they are to us, the more difficult it is to abstain from this.

When we interfere, we often arrest a deeply important lesson for our loved one.  Additionally, we clamp down on ourselves with fear and control.  This is lose/lose.

There are cases, of course, when one must interfere in order to prevent serious harm to them or others.  Those instances are not discussed here.

Over a year ago a friend of mine stopped returning my phone calls.  I was hurt.  After several months, I got a call with a feeble apology that did not address much.  I was still hurt and felt that I ought to address it, but again, was unable to reach my friend.  I gave up.  Up to that point, my attempts to communicate had been driven by an urge to control her or the situation.

I waited several months and asked for inspiration in meditation.  I had seen through other means that she had fallen away from many people and cut herself off.

Finally, the urgency of trying to fix things fell away and I could see more clearly that she was hurting but needed some time to figure it out.

My motivation shifted from what I wanted to get (approval, attention, friendship on my terms), to what I could give.

I made up my mind to stop by her home to let her know that I do love her and that I wanted to make sure she was ok.  I knew, too, that I would compassionately let her know that I had been hurt.  Being true friends means that we get real with one another, no matter what.

Several times I went by her home and she was not there.  Each time, before I approached her door, I got quiet and asked that the highest good of all involved be served.  It was very peaceful but she was never home.

I decided to call and leave her a loving message and leave it at that.

She called back almost right away.  I attribute it to the new openness that I had been granted through meditation.  I believe that if I had still been harboring my hurt and indignation, there would have been no room for her to reach out to me.  It would have repelled her like a force field.

Your Assignment:

Is there a person in your life who simply needs you to love them from afar?  Is there someone who would benefit from you allowing them to make mistakes but without judgment?  Can you be patient and wait for them to return?


One Response to “Take Time to Allow What is Meant to Unfold”
  1. Sarah,

    Thanks for this great article!

    So often we go th rough life treating our loved ones – and most people around us – with a heavy dose of judgment and criticism.

    Almost a decade ago, someone said “E.G., you are so judgmental…” and the said thing was I didn’t even fully understand what she said. I spent more than 30 years trying hard to “help” everyone around me… to becmoe just like me [“don’t smoke, it’s not good for you; you should watch your diet – you’ll end up looking like Budha…. you should exercise, it will help you with energy and overall health…”

    I used to be the man with a mission, always trying to fix everyone around me… and in the process I’d upset many of my loved ones, and others around me…

    Till I started coaching school, back in 2002… That’s when I learned about the true meaning of being judgmental and the opposite – being accepting and understanding that everyone around us do their best, even if to us it does not seem so.

    That 1-year coaching training (IPEC) changed my life. Even if I never coached a client, it was the best investment in myself ever. It transformed me completely. Now instead of seeing a bunch of “broken” and “incomplete” people around me, I’m able to view them with love and acceptance… and that transformed everyone’s life around me. We are closer than ever before and it’s been years since I tried to “fix” anyone.

    Everyone has a chosen path and it’s rarely our job to make others change their path, unless we are asked for help (and that’s what I like about coaching – I get paid to help people walk the journey they want to walk, vs. walking the one they feel trapped to walk).

    Acceptance is the key – and it’s not easy. 2003 was my year when I spent the whole year in the spirit of consciously trying to accept everyone around me as complete – as “perfect.” And when you get to the point to be able ot do that – accept others for what/who they are – it takes away lots of stress from everyone around you and it just makes life sooo much easier and enjoyable… and it makes your relationships sooo much more harmonious…

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