I was out the other night and met some married women who all had babies under one year old.

One woman asked me, with a hint of desperation, “What are the top five tips that you give to couples?”

“Date Night is a MUST.”

“What, like once a month?”


Her face was one of shock.  Yes, I know it is really hard find new balance after having a baby, especially the first child.  Everything changes, however, it is truly important to create and maintain the habit of taking time out for just the two of you.

You can broaden your image of date night and start with where you are. In the beginning, it might look like a short living room floor picnic when baby is sleeping.  It could be a walk while a neighbor or relative watches baby.  For others, the opportunities are endless.

Taking the time to connect on your primary relationship has a HUGE return on investment.  While it might seem inconvenient, it is like taking vitamins for your relationship.  Avoiding closeness-time and coziness leads to having to take relationship aspirin.  Wouldn’t you rather prevent the pain rather than treat it later?

Couples, movies are a distraction.  Spend the time during date night to really connect and make an effort to hear each other very deeply

If you are single, create the space by having a determined time/day of the week when you go and have some FUN and connect with whatever it is that fills your tanks.

When you do things that are loving toward yourself, you are creating a habit of receiving love.  Like attracts like.  If love is flowing toward you (from you or your friends), then it will flow easier from a potential mate.  And that mate will also be more loving toward himself or herself. LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.  Create the atmosphere of love and watch yourself become a love magnet!

I am conducting a class for loving and committed couples and want to be certain that I address your needs.  Please send your questions to

Be Yourself

On your first date with someone, try being super REAL. Just once get real about something you are or do that you don’t like.  Let them know that you are high maintenance, a worrier, or a nose picker.  If they do not mind that, they know what they get from the beginning.  If they don’t like it and leave, you don’t spend a ton of time contorting yourself into something that you aren’t in order to keep someone you shouldn’t be with.  Let me know how it goes!

Strengthen Your Relationship Tip #2

Along with seeking mentorship from other empowering couples, Vj and I dedicate time specifically for our relationship.

It is imperative that we have a weekly date night that we treat as sacrosanct.  Thursday night is date night and that is that.

In addition to our weekly date night*, we “get away from it all” several weekends a year.  On these weekends, we leave behind laptops and cell phones.  Then we have self-guided retreats that we have developed over the years to really clean house and get to the really important task of CONNECTION.  It is so easy to get bogged down with bills, chores, work and family.  When we spend these weekends together, we remind ourselves, to our very core, why we are together, how we want to be together, and what ways can we improve what we are doing. 

This might sound daunting, but it isn’t.  We make it fun and frame it from a win/win point of view.  We take our challenges and create goals out of them.  This simple perspective shift takes the heaviness of emotion out of the equation so that we can get down to the business of enjoying each other and tackling life as a TEAM.

We go away together in all sorts of ways from camping to luxurious resorts to couple’s retreats.  This February, we are sharing our system that we use with a few couples in a luxurious setting.  If you want to know more about it, see


*You can see our date night ritual that we use to get connected in a heartbeat at Please feel free to adapt it to your needs.  It works!