Our Job as a Partner

One of the lessons that has been slow for me to learn is what my job is as a true partner.

I know many of the things that are not included in the job description:

 

Nagging
Badgering
Manipulating
Scolding
Lecturing
Ignoring
Second-guessing
Disempowering

You may see a pattern here.  I must write that I have learned the hard way.  Whenever I employ the above critical tactics, I erode trust and a sense of security in my mate.  I feel compelled to pick up these weapons when I am in fear or insecurity.  The lesson for me has been: if I am upset with my mate, I am usually upset with something else in my life OR I am counting on the earthly realm (material things that are outside of me) to be “o.k.”

When I am centered in myself, secure in the knowledge that everything is in divine order, my husband can do what he needs to do in order to fill his tanks without interference from me.

That does not mean that I keep silent when there are things out of harmony or when I disagree with his position.  In fact, we can speak about things in which we absolutely disagree in a CONNECTED manner.  This means that we use our conflicts as a source of unification.  We tackle the problem together instead of as opponents.  Years ago, I would never have been able to believe that is a possible solution.

There are many antidotes to dirty tactics:

Instead of nagging, I can get ask questions and get more information.  If I can see the bigger picture, I am less likely to judge from my narrow perspective.

Instead of badgering or manipulating, I can take a breath, look inside to see what my needs are and then compassionately communicate them.

Instead of scolding or lecturing, I can hear him out, digest what he says and then make a conscious decision to respond rather than react.

My mate does not want me to ignore a situation and I do not have to wield a sledgehammer to make my point.  I used to vacillate between bulldozer and doormat.  Neither position is honest nor contributes to the partnership.

Lastly, if my man needs to take risks, think outside of the box, or do something that seems wacky to me but fills his tanks, I get to support unconditionally.  Several years back, a mentor of mine spoke very frankly about how he and his wife both involuntarily transitioned out of their jobs and then she became a writer.  This caused a great deal of financial uncertainty.  He spoke about how it was not his job to second guess her or chide her into doing something less meaningful but more profitable. His job was to support her in her art and see what else was on the other side.  His leap of faith, into the unknown and faith that he held in his partner inspired me greatly.  For the last thirteen months, it has been a guiding light for me as my husband satisfies his entrepreneurial spirit.  And for both my mentor and myself, it has paid great dividends!
Your assignment:  Next time you feel a tightness in your gut or chest around something in your relationship, take a breath, ask yourself, “What is really going on here?  Am I reacting to something?”  Take a look at your response and see if you can apply the antidotes to dirty tactics in the situation.  Let me know how it goes!

 

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