No One Can Make You Angry

We live in a culture that has many agreements that simply don’t serve us.  One that is very prevalent is the idea that other people or situations can make us angry.  We love to blame others for our misery.

The trouble with that is:

We refuse to take personal responsibility and therefore, we have no power or control over the situation.  When other people are the problem, we are caught in the web of blame and powerlessness because there is NOTHING that we can do about other people’s actions.  Only when we take responsibility for our emotions are we able to be truly free.

This does not mean that we repress or deny our emotions. It simply means that we don’t put the responsibility of them onto others.

Anyone can give us an opportunity to choose anger (or joy, fear, frustration, etc.).  And sometimes, it happens so fast, that we don’t feel like we have a choice.  In these instances, we can choose the second response: what to do with that anger.

In these situations, what I know that works best is to breathe, feel into my body what is happening and if it is appropriate express the emotion.  It could sound something like this: “Wow!  I am feeling a wave of anger come over me.  This is really interesting.  I am going to check in on this and get back to you.”

When we train our loved ones that statements like this mean we take 100% personal responsibility for our emotions instead of using them as punishment wonderfully miraculous things begin to happen.

I remember when I was first allowing myself to feel and express anger.  I told my husband, Vj, that I was on an anger discovery journey and didn’t know what that would look like.  He said something one morning that I allowed to activate the anger response in me.  I was breathing deeply and noticing my face wanting to contort when he asked, “Is this you being in touch with your anger?”

“YES!!” I said with a big smile and I felt the force come out but it wasn’t directed at him.  I simply allowed it to dissipate and, poof, it was gone.  Then we had a great laugh about what he had said and how cute it was.

Your Turn:

Are you ready to take 100% personal responsibility for your emotions?  If not, are you willing to try to increase the percentage so that you can be free?

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