Making Time to Connect

Funny as it seems, most of us want the OPTIMUM relationship but don’t know how to get or maintain it.  I am not talking about a superficial movie-style standard.  I am talking about deeply connected, solidly unified, and romantic.  Perhaps we can’t be in that space all of the time. However, there are things that we can do to be in that space more of the time.  And of course, the more you focus on that space, the easier it becomes to access it.
This goes beyond date night (which you will remember, I highly recommend).  Date night is great but there are six more days in the week.

Here are three tips to getting connection on a daily basis:
  1. Use your words
  2. Commit to time (5 minutes!)
  3. Break the RULES!

Vj and I do a few things to connect deeply in a moment’s notice. One is if we need some attention or connection, we use our words. We have agreed that if one of us needs that connection, we will ask for it.  So if I ask for connection, Vj then drops what he is doing and looks into my eyes and uses his sweet voice to say something loving OR he let’s me know that he isn’t available AND when he will be available for that connection.

Another thing we do is make a commitment to connect once a day.  This seems hard, but can be another quick moment.  Vj and I call it “tea in bed.”  We don’t do it every night, but when one of us asks the other for tea in bed, we do it.  This is a time when there are no phones, email, mail, books, dishes, or other distractions to keep us away from each other.  For others it means putting the kids to bed or turning off the television.  I know a couple who ends every day in the hot tub together, just talking and connecting.  EVERYONE can take five minutes for their beloved.  Even if it means they are so tired that their eyes are closed!

Last tip today is break the rules! Vj and I are committed to our work and we both work from home. That means for the most part, we don’t interact with each other for most of the day. Yesterday, we broke the rules and took a very short smooch break.  It took less than five minutes, and we were able to forget our computers and to-do lists and just be with each other, briefly.  Breaking the rules for you might mean leaving dishes in the sink so that you can go to bed early together.  It might mean that you don’t get to call your parents back that night.  See what rules are keeping you from your loved one and break one tonight!

These guidelines are great for connecting, but if we are out of sync, it is really hard to get to that cozy space.  That is where the Couple’s System tools come in. If you want to learn the tools to rediscover that cozy place in a jiffy, call me and we can set up a free appointment to talk about solutions!  Call me at 206-866-5150

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