Make Sure They Can Handle It!

relationship coach In our culture, the proposed order of courting often looks like this:

  1. Sleep with someone (or “hook up” in a physical way), then;
  2. Give your heart to them, then:
  3. Find out if they have the bandwidth/trustworthiness/strength to handle a relationship.

When people hear this chronology, they think, “Not me!  We went out on a date (or 4 dates) before we ever slept together!”

In response, I ask, “How well do we know someone after being around them 1-4 times?  How well do you allow others to know you after only 1-4 times?”

We have put the cart before the horse and wonder why things seem so twisted up later.

Intimacy—real intimacy, not the euphemism for sex—takes boldness, courage, and respect.  That is because those things must be in place for two people to be vulnerable.  If we are not vulnerable, we are play-acting or wearing masks.  It is so common for us to assume a role that we think others want us to fulfill that we often don’t even know we are being unreal.

In order for someone to love me, I must strip myself of my illusions and image.  I have to get really real which is really tough!  And, I must be on the lookout to make sure that this person can handle it before I lay myself on the tracks!

This situation is relevant in romance, friendship, and to a degree work relationships, too.  Often, we expect others to have “common sense,” which is a misnomer.  My common sense looks different from everyone else’s, so that makes it uncommon sense. Likewise, I can’t expect others to have the integrity that I have simply because we are around each other, or have some things in common.

So many heartaches can be avoided if we watch what people do instead of listening to what they say. Let’s be frank, folks will say what they think that another person wants to hear in order to get what they want: attention, affection, approval, sex, romance, etc.

Our responsibility lies in taking others at face value, so that we do not heap unrealistic expectations upon them and set them up to fail.

We must watch for the signs, test the waters, and proceed with awareness, not blindly jump into a pool before making sure the water is there!

Your Assignment:

Review any recent disappointments and observe if there was a way that you set things in motion with unrealistic or unreasonable expectations.  Did you set someone up to fail presuming they could handle a situation when they had no training or bandwidth to do so?

I offer you a special Love Activation complimentary consultation. To book your appointment call 206-866-5150 and we will set up a time to chat.

Comments

One Response to “Make Sure They Can Handle It!”
  1. mp3juice says:

    I enjoy what you guys are usually up too. This type of clever work
    and reporting! Keep up the great works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my personal blogroll.

Speak Your Mind

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!