Invite Relationship Conflict

Invite relationship conflict?  What!?

A big mistake most of us make is avoiding conflict in relationship. An even bigger problem is when we expect our relationships to be conflict free.  If this is our stance, we lose out on some of the richness of life.

I don’t mean that we want to go start arguments or pick fights.  The suggestion, instead, is that when we avoid conflict, we react from the lizard brain or that amygdala that wishes to keep us in survival mode.

This part of us, also is responsible for separation and viewing others as adversaries when they aren’t.  Our partners and spouses are not our enemy.  However, the amygdala is constantly gathering evidence of how they are wrong and I am right.


When we have conflict in our marriage or any other relationship, we can take a breath.  In that breathing room, we can begin to see that the conflict is a resource of very valuable information.  We can begin to ask ourselves questions like, “I wonder why I am so upset in this moment?” or  “Is there an old hurt that needs some attention?”

Why we step back, we can release the urgency of our emotional response and begin to invite our partner in on this adventure of curiousity.

It isn’t easy.  It demands diligence, patience, and most of all, love.  It is worth every  moment of deliberate breathing and counting to ten.

Your Turn:

When you get activated by your partner, or someone else, are you willing to take a moment to ask yourself what is truly going on in the conflict?  Can you begin to invite your beloved to be curious with you as you discover together?

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