Interested or Committed?

Lately, I have been thinking about how we perceive being let down and I have come to realize that there are many facets of hurt and anger that we choose to ignore.

I can now see that a lot of times I have blamed others for letting me down, when it has, in fact, been my own fault.

Every time we act outside of our integrity, we hurt others and ourselves.

For example, when we do things like commit to something but then cancel or reschedule, it erodes trust.  This is quite common and is not looked at as a big deal. After all, we’ve all made ourselves so time-sick that being busy has become a sort of a cultural agreement. We let it slide when others flake, because we need to do it too.

A lot of times being busy is in fact nothing but an excuse for our inability to keep a commitment. The real reason often is that we commit to things without being aware of all the facts.

How many times have you been angry with someone you made a plan with someone and later felt like you had been tricked?

In truth we are not mad at someone else, but at ourselves for committing too soon, or saying “yes” without seeking full information.

I have done it too. I committed to an event that sounded fun. I showed interest and ended up giving a wishy-washy sort of commitment (which is a non-commitment). It was only later that I found out that the event wasn’t what I thought it was and my contribution was more than I was expecting. What made it worse; I had also committed to something that would overlap.

Eventually, it got very complicated, and involved unsolicited tickets and a third party put in the middle. I felt like I had been duped.  However, what had actually happened was that I was angry with myself for committing without full information, and then in back peddling, made it worse!

This is all very normal. Once I looked at the whole situation objectively, I realized that I wasn’t nearly as aligned with my integrity as I thought! It was a very helpful lesson and helped me get more clear about what words to use and when!

How I handled it in the end was, I showed appreciation. While I do not know the big picture, I know that my acquaintance deserved the benefit of the doubt (hint: we all do). I thanked her and simply explained that I would not be attending. I do admit, the lure of over explaining in order to make myself look better in her eyes was strong.

However, once I was clear, I was more interested in the highest good of all involved.

Assignment:

Reflect on the last time you committed to something, reneged on it and then felt that the other person tricked you. A date that you ended up saying yes to, an event invite that you accepted, a favor you agreed to grant, etc. What awareness can you bring to it? Were you duped, or did you fail to gather more information?

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