Ideal Mate

Lifting FogWhen I was single, I was very unclear what I wanted in a mate.  I learned that someone being interested in me was not a high enough criterea for dating! In my uncertainty, I started with what I did not want in a mate and then I was able to look for the opposite.  That was how the fog started to lift on who I wanted to be in my life!  Simple but at the time, it was not at all obvious.


One Response to “Ideal Mate”
  1. Tammy says:

    You are right — I have been thinking about this too lately.

    I think it is really really hard to figure out what type of life we want when we want to be with a man. I think if "we" like who "we" are when we are with him, and you also bring out the best in him — then it is a good sign. Not a man who only does the criticism, any secretiveness, gas lighting, lying, etc. — and if we become just a shell of ourselves zapped from our energy, afraid, darker, snappish or whatever — then that is how to recognize someone is toxic for us to be close to.

    I have also just begun to understand what it means when someone "really" loves us versus just wants to be dominating. I believe now that two people who love each other would wish the other person to be happy (even if it is not with them) and not want them to suffer — love is an unselfish thing. So, this means we must also let someone we fall in love with to be free if that is what makes him happy, just as we would want a man we did not want to be with romantically to let us go and not hurt us just because we did not want to be with him.

    I have also begun to believe that there are different "connections" between two people in a relationship that is sort of independent but important to whether a love works out — the physical (sexual), emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.

    For me I have learned that without the "spiritual" connection with a man — no matter how intelligent, sexy, how good a cook or whatever he is — it is tough. If I had to give up the financial and work 3 jobs to be with a man who did not have a lot of money — but is capable of a "spiritual connection", who works hard even if he does not make so much money, who shares what he has openly/honestly with me, who has my back too, not dominating/manipulative/selfish, who I do not have to be afraid of, and who really deeply loves me and has a gentle/kind heart — I would be the luckiest woman on the planet.

    Anyhow, for whatever it is worth. :-)

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