Have You Created an Isolation Station?

Wall LadderWe are conditioned to give self-sufficiency the highest importance. Unfortunately, what we don’t realize is that often in our desire to become 100% self-sufficient, we end up building a wall around us—a wall that prevents us from letting people in.

In my own experience, before I was able to allow room in my life for my husband Vj, I had an over developed sense of independence.  I remember doing everything myself—and often in a hurried or harried manner.

No wonder I was having trouble in relationships!  Nature abhors a vacuum and I had filled my life with distractions and busy-ness.

Once I started to slow down, I saw that I could depend on people more and more.  I began to ask for help in hugely beneficial ways.

I was finally learning how to make myself happy.

I could not believe how different my results were.  My motives were very similar—I wanted to know in my heart that I could be responsible for my own happiness. However, my former method was based on fear and survivalist energy, the latter (that involved letting people in) was heart-centered and loving.

Something very similar happened with a client as well. She came to me with a huge complaint that her beloved was jealous of the time she spent with her friends.

Once we got the 50,000 ft view, she started to see how her self-sufficiency had squeezed her beloved out!

She was taking care of everything—finances, planning, choices about the home and vacations, etc. There was no way for him to provide anything for her wellbeing and happiness.  It was as if she had built a cement wall against receiving anything.

Ours are not rare cases.  I help with this type of problem all the time.

The rest of the story is that she was able to make subtle shifts, like asking for her beloved’s opinion and input on decisions, in essence, she invited him to be a partner, not an observer!

Her shifts had very profound results in the relationship. He started offering unsolicited help around the home and taking care of things that she thought only she could do.

He started to feel more secure and valued in the relationship, once she let him in. He began to see that he could contribute to her wellbeing and that his thoughts and opinions mattered to her.

I believe being self-sufficient is important, however, we all need to know where to draw the line between being independent and isolating ourselves from others.

 

Your Assignment:

Take some time out and reflect on your relationships. Do you let people in? Do you trust your loved ones enough to ask them for help? Are you always running out of time? Do you feel harried almost everyday? Are you missing out on some offered support?

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