Gratitude in Action

I get some pretty consistent questions from Singles and Couples about alleviating pressure and tension in one’s current   status.

I have some simple ways to get breathing room into wherever you are in your journey.

1. Avoid focusing on labels like “Single” or the problems within your relationship

2. Cultivate love through community

3. Find Gratitude through serving others

These are shifts in perspective that can create a new experience this season. They each can be shifted as necessary to fit your needs no matter what your status.

#1. Avoid focusing on labeling your experience.

We all have a mind of discernment.  It is the part of our mind that keeps us safe by noticing things that are different.  For example, it notices whether the light is red to stop or green to go.

The problem is that in this day and age, the mind of discernment is overdeveloped!  It can get us into the habit of doing things like COUNTING how many people are in relationships (in contrast to ourselves) or how many times you have done the dishes and she hasn’t.  This comparison is excruciating!  If you avoid focusing on what the undesirable, it will not become your identity and something that differentiates you from others.

#2. Create love through community.

In this time and space, people can suffer from a feeling of isolation.  I recommend taking charge of your calendar and being as social as you like.  When I was single, I needed to be proactive so I wouldn’t allow myself to get sucked into any negativity about being single.

One tip is, if you feel lonely, invite people over to your home.  Your event can be a very low-key way of cultivating community spirit.  You can have a game night, a potluck, or you can organize a bowling event.  If you are at the helm, you get to decide how formal or casual it is.  Inviting other conscious couples over is a great way to connect and remember that it is all work!  But worth the efforts.

By opening your home, you open yourself up to receive love.  Receiving love is a habit that takes courage, vulnerability and an open mind.  So much importance is placed on romantic love.  If you are allowing the flow of love to enter into your heart, from whatever source, you are creating a habit that is very attractive to people who want to GIVE love.

#3. Find Gratitude through serving others

There are ample opportunities to help others at any time of the year. Helping others can make them feel good, it makes us aware of all that we have and are, and it nourishes our heart.  It is an excellent remedy for feeling overwhelmed, sorry for oneself, or boredom.

When we serve others, we serve a higher purpose and get a new perspective.  It is a win/win situation.  One Christmas morning, Vj and I helped cook for an outdoor kitchen  in Seattle.  We were in the middle of a blizzard (very rare!) and the place was packed!  The spirit was amazing.  We were laughing and helping each other. People brought their children to help.  It felt like the spirit of the holidays, taking care of one another, meeting and helping our neighbors, and taking us less seriously. I can’t recommend it enough.

The summer months are also full of opportunities to contribute to your community.

Something as simple as visiting residents at a retirement home can bring so much joy and light to all involved.

Your Assignment:

Check your focus!  What you focus on grows.  Are you in an attitude of gratitude or are you down in the dumps?

Create the love that you crave.  Open your home and include someone who is really lonely.

Serve others and see your happiness grow.

As always, please let me know how it goes!

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