Why do we create conflict?


Perhaps the reason that we create conflict is because being in the pure bliss of the present moment is far too intense to handle.

Even when things are tough, if we are able to fully surrender to that moment, releasing all resistance, there can be a feeling of awe and wonder.

The trouble is, that the usual automatic response is to resist any intense feeling, especially one that we have labeled as “bad.”

The resistance to feeling puts the clamp on the hose and causes even more suffering.

We have conflict for the same reason that we have fantasy, so that in the moment, we feel like we have control over the situation.  Whether it is “worse” or “better” than reality is irrelevant.  In fact, this attempt as control is normally just a habit—to keep one out of the bliss of the present moment.

The illusion of control is so insidious; if we think we know how things “are,” then we deceive ourselves into thinking we have a predictable outcome.

Unfortunately, this resistance to what is keeps us in the grip of the problem we are trying to avoid.

When we can be truly present, there are no conflicts.  One of my mentors, Christian Mickelson, says that all fear is fear of feeling.  I believe it is any feeling that is outside of one’s normal bandwidth.  Every day we get opportunities to increase our bandwidth, or go outside of our comfort zone.  When we do, an internal alarm sounds and we have two choices

1. Escape the present moment in conflict, fantasy or some other distraction

2. Breathe into the intensity of being alive. This is the one that expands our bandwidth.

An exercise to increase your bandwidth:

Look at yourself in the mirror.  Look deeply into your own eyes and lose yourself for a few moments.  If you can be present for a split second, that is a miracle.  Now tell yourself that you love yourself.  Allow for all of the resistance to this exercise to arise and notice it.  There is no need to resist the resistance.  Simply breathe and see how long you can handle it.  Tomorrow, see if you can do it for a little linger.

 

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