C-O-N-T-R-O-L can spell M-I-S-E-R-Y

One of the MOST CORROSIVE but HARDEST TO SEE habits in a relationship is trying to control our partner.  Stay with me, Singles, there is valuable info here for you, too.

Time and again, I see friction that could easily be avoided when one mate tries to control another.  Let’s face it, this control is a form of arrogance.  Arrogance that we know better than the person we are interacting with and therefore, we need to control them.  This is a LOSE/LOSE situation.  When we micromanage our mate, we cause friction, we destabilize their safety and their security.  We cause them to question their gut, their intuition, and their methods which are UNIQUE to ours but that does NOT make them “wrong.”

It is tough to sit by and watch someone do something that you KNOW you could do faster or more efficiently.  Sometimes a situation calls for help.  Let’s distinguish between help and control.  Help is an offer: control is an order. Help has no strings attached: control must result in MY WAY. Help comes from the heart: control comes from the ego.

Here is an example of helpful speech, “I can see that you are struggling with that.  Would you like to know how I solved that problem?”

Here is an example of control, “Do it this way, it is easier.”

Can you see the differences in language, feeling, and motivation?

Vj and I find it easy to diffuse.  One time when I was driving, I felt micromanaged!  With a huge smile, I said, “Boy, is my husband being bossy!”  He took it so well and made such a joke about it.  Each time I would turn the wheel, he would say, “Ok, now turn here.”  He exaggerated the micromanaging to really show off the silliness of bossiness.  By the way, I have my moments, too!

Look for ways that you are well intentioned but actually bossy at your job, with your family, or in your community.  A great practice is to notice when you want to “correct” a person or situation, breathe, and let it solve itself.  In those instances, often miraculous things can happen.  With breathing room, that is possible.

Speak Your Mind

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!