Are you a Doormat?


We have mixed up two very different ways of being: Passivity and Gentleness. 

There is a big difference between these two states.  Often we think that we are being gentle, yet we are inactive in creating the life of our dreams.

Passive is defined as not participating readily or actively; lacking in energy or will or lethargic.

Gentle is honorable, distinguished, kind, amiable, free from harshness, sternness, or violence.

I believe that so many of our struggles in our inner world are because our highest good knows what we are destined to be.  However, our little minds have sabotaged us so we no longer know how.  What this can look like is: forced kindness or fake “compassion” because we know we “ought” to be these things.  This mentality is fixed in the dichotomy of right v. wrong and is another source of suffering. It causes us to exert our sheer force of will to be a certain way, which employs the ego mind and crowds out breathing room.

What we want to do is identify where we have been passive about our needs.

In this context, I mean acting like a doormat: one who buckles under the whims of outside influences rather than standing in one’s integrity.  Another way to look at it is: to allow for things that do not align with one’s nature to occur around and in one’s domain.  This creates the energy of constriction and unhappiness.

We can be gentle yet firm.  I hear stories all the time about people getting their ears talked off, taken advantage of, and generally having their integrity compromised.

Many of these people are women, who complain about being held hostage by a talkative person.  They feel that another person steals their time from them.

In the moment, it is hard to disengage from a time vampire UNLESS YOU HAVE ALREADY COMMITTED to yourself to live within your integrity and know what that looks like.


This is not a popular concept, most of us flounder around until we happen upon what works. Yuck!  The odds are terrible and there is too much heartache in the mean time.

When engaging with someone new (or someone you already know is a time vampire) you can gauge much earlier how it will go, if you are clear about what you want and need instead of being hindered by being “nice” or adhering to convention.

No where is it written that you can’t say gently but firmly: “This conversation is over, thank you for your time.”

The gentle part is with a smile from your heart, but with the confidence that you know what you want and need and have committed to yourself to adhere to your guidelines.

I cannot emphasize the importance of knowing what you need enough.  Once it is clear within you, and you have committed to yourself to upholding your standards, the world starts to change around you.

Your Assignment: Do you know what you want and need in your relationships?  Take a moment and write down a list.  You may need to start with what you know that you don’t want and then write the opposite.  Embody these new traits.  Integrate them into your breath and your cells.  Last night, we went much deeper into this topic on our monthly Love and Light lesson call.  If this is something that you are struggling with, I spelled it out very simply how you can get more and more clear about your needs.  Join us so that we may support you on your journey!


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