A Very Common Mistake

Let’s face it; we are trained very poorly in the art of love and relationships.

We have turned the longing to connect with another into a job position to be filled.  It is a void or a role that we seek to place someone who even remotely approaches adequate.

We have got it all wrong.  This approach is based on a scarcity mentality that convinces us that there are too few “eligible” potential partners so one must settle for what is available. *

There are many problems with this approach.  I have listed only a few here:

1.     It is based on the idea that we are not whole without someone else.

2.     When we don’t have a mate, we make ourselves out to be defective.

3.     This energy is repellant and acts as a force field and feels greedy or needy to others.

4.     It does not account for our true needs and desires and instead has us settle for “proximity guy or gal.”

I invite us to approach our romantic lives from a fuller place.  Desperate seeking is like the Ugly Duckling, but instead of “Are you my mother?” the implied question is: “Are you my boyfriend or girlfriend?  Are you my wife or husband?” As an alternative to looking outward why not look within to ourselves and ask who we are?

It is possible to turn the outward-seeking energy back inside and seek to be the best possible mate for oneself.  Becoming a dream mate is the best way to attract the “right” person.

When we size people up in the first few moments and rate them as “potential”, it cheapens them and our experience.  Instead of viewing each new person as a potential mate, why not view them as a whole being and turn all new encounters into periods of observation, interaction, and curiosity?  This shifts us from instinct-based creatures who are merely seek to reproduce into heart-centered beings who wish to serve humanity and truly connect.

When approached from a heart-centered rather than a need-centered place, we are serving our highest good and the good of those around us.

Your Assignment:

Notice without judgment how you size people up in the first few moments of your first meeting.  If you see yourself in the position of “What’s in this for ME?” take a breath and ask, “How can I enhance this person’s life?”

*This goes for people who are in a relationship, too.  Sometimes compares the new person to their sweetheart.  Other times, one seeks what else a new acquaintance can provide (like resources, alliances, potential business enhancement, etc.).

I always offer a free assesment. To book your appointment call 206-866-5150 and we will set up a time to chat.

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