A Rant that turned into Compassion


We MUST learn how to take care of ourselves

Riding the BART the other day, I witnessed something that made my blood boil.  A man in his 30s ensnared an eighteen year old woman in an intrusive and manipulative conversation.

He asked her ancestry, name, age, where she was going, and the name of her work.  On and on, she shrank smaller and smaller under his barrage of questions. I squirmed as I watched her compromise her integrity and safety under the restrictions of her training to be “nice” and follow “proper” social decorum.

The adrenaline was coursing through my veins and they two of them were gone in an instant.  He followed her off the train and seemed (to me) to be a potential perpetrator.  He was handsome and well dressed, but looked out of his body, chemically altered, and also potentially dangerous.

The fear, anger, and rage inside me kept me from clearly thinking what would best serve either of them.

Her insecurity and inability to handle this made me so sad.  We train our young people so poorly.  Her energy practically screamed out: “I don’t know how to take care of myself.” And that is the first crime against her.

We teach our young people to be highly insecure and uncertain of how to take care of themselves.

I came home where I journaled and meditated.  My rage slowly turned to outrage.  I wondered: Why is it so foreign to take care of ourselves from a place of loving compassion?

Most of us don’t know how to energetically dissuade perpetrators from intruding in the first place.  Many of us have a hard time seeing that the perpetrator was merely repeating a pattern of pain that had been inflicted upon him.

We must learn how to establish ourselves and our energy in such a way that we don’t engage in the crazy dance with others.  This is a kindness to ourselves, yes, but also to the potential offender.  In fact, it is selfish to engage in their neurotic behavior so that you don’t have to feel the discomfort of going against the social norm.

We do no one any favors by being “nice” and allowing them to act out.   Generally what happens is:

  1. We become a doormat and allow people to walk on us.  This is also engaging in an unhealthy way.
  2. We aggressively resist, which is playing the game with them. It is like tug-o-war.
  3. Stumble our way through, make excuses, and run away.


What I invite you to do is this: Reflect back pure acceptance of who they are with a firm compassion.

That means, you smile from your heart to theirs with a protective force field around you that says, “Nope!  I am not playing that neurotic game with you!  Bless you!”

Too many of us have a phony sense of protection that is isolating.  What we must do to thrive in this world is build up a true protection that allows us to be totally vulnerable at the same time.

I have had to learn from many masters how to accomplish this.  It is the same energy that makes it ok for people to let down their guard with me because they get that

  1. I am safe and
  2. I won’t get into drama with them.

My wish for you is to find the resources that you need to truly take care of yourself so that you can go out into the world with a true sense of protected vulnerability.

Your Assignment: Who do you know that you can model for the qualities of graceful firmness, true protection, and absolute vulnerability?  Get yourself a mentor to cultivate these qualities so you can be a truer version of yourself while being totally protected. You may join our group as we practice this work. Come to a community that supports this audacious goal. We will support you on your journey! 

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